


Talkin' 2 Myself

by DepressedCarrot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Cigarettes, Depression, Family Issues, Fast Cars, It's going to lower my street cred., Kevin is depressed, Rebellion, Smoking, THAT'S ALL THIS IS., idk why I'm posting this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressedCarrot/pseuds/DepressedCarrot
Summary: Kevin is faced with an internal debate.Continue to live with crushing loneliness or do something to better yourself?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Talkin' 2 Myself

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 25 minutes during an internal writing sprint I was doing within my mind whilst listening to rap music. I don't know what was channelling through me as I typed, but I never want to see it again. 
> 
> Yes, it shares a title with that one Eminem song. Stop judging me.

There was a slight breeze as Kevin stood at the side of the road looking out at the landscape of Beach City below him. Just like he had pictured in his mind, everyone was once again beneath him. The way that he liked it. 

There was nothing in the world that could break the unbreakable emotional shield that Kevin had put up around himself so that nobody could penetrate it. He had continued to do everything in his power to make sure that he kept his head held higher than everyone else. 

He slowly took a drag of a cigarette as he watched the town beneath him, it was late at night. Kevin usually used the escape of the darkness surrounding him to intimidate residents around Beach City with the roar of his sports car. The pop of the exhaust would most certainly scare people and the wildlife as he passed - but Kevin simply didn’t care for anyone besides himself. 

Although, despite the attitude that he held regarding the rest of the world, he couldn’t help but feel as if it was the reason behind the loneliness that he felt. The sheer inability to make friends aside from the ones that he threatened to out once he received some dirt on them. Injecting fear into the people who you were going to befriend was the best way to keep them close to you. The best way to get them to stick around when nobody else would. 

Admittedly, Kevin had been hurt by people multiple times in the past. There was no going back on his past mistakes and the only thing that he could do to solve the things that he had said in the past was to make sure that moving forward he improved on his behaviours. 

There was no way of him doing so when the only thing that he was able to do when it came to social interaction was to make people uncomfortable. 

Kevin didn’t want to be a piece of shit all of the time - but she sure did find it hilarious. 

Kevin took another drag of the cigarette and laughed to himself. 

Cigarettes were cool. 

At least, that was what Kevin believed. All of the things within his mind were warped so that they would be better for him and nobody else. It was the only way that he could live his life the way that he wanted to. 

By not allowing anyone to butt into the decisions that he made. 

Kevin always made sure to make his own choices and from an outsider’s perspective, none of the choices he seemed to have made were good ones. 

The only choices that he made were either there to hurt himself or abuse the people around him. The only two social devices that he understood. 

Kevin was a walking tornado and he would have destroyed everything in his path if time allowed. If he could terrorise the whole town with his loud engine and his foul language then he would have happily have done so. There was nothing that he wanted to do more than to harm other people to ignore all of the things that were going on through his mind. 

As Kevin looked out and saw the beautiful lights coming from the town below, he couldn’t help but feel some kind of guilt for the situations that he had always put people in. 

Everything that he had done to other people seemed to have been a coping mechanism for what was going on within his mind. A poor excuse for his behaviour, but an excuse nonetheless. 

It wasn’t as if his home life had ever been any good either. Born to a rich asshole and parents who always tried to push him into academic fields, but simply left him to his own devices with a debit card. It was the best way to parent. The best way for him to raise himself inside of a world where he needed his parent’s support. 

It was terrible that despite being the only child within his family he received the most attention - but also the least. 

It didn’t help that his father constantly hammered down on his behaviours, telling him that he wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t as if his father was any better at showing his emotions or the things that he needed to show as a way to be a loving father. That was all that Kevin wanted, rather than having to experience his mother’s unhappiness.

A cliche story, but one that for some reason happened to real people. Kevin never asked for something like that to happen to him. He certainly hadn’t deserved to have gone through that as a teenager and he certainly didn’t deserve it as a kid. 

Things being rough at home only meant that Kevin only had one place to act out - peer groups. 

With the only role model in his life being the father that he disliked, there was no way that he wouldn’t have acted out in such a way that would cause distress for other people. It wasn’t as if he ever wanted to  _ care  _ for other people.

The problem was, he had tried to care for people in the past, but every time that he had tried they had been thrown back in his face. What was the point in trying to build an emotional connection with people when all they did was hate you in return? 

It wasn’t worth the effort. 

Kevin took a deep breath as he dropped the half-smoked cigarette on the floor below him. He didn’t even like smoking them. They just looked cool…

He pressed his incredibly expensive boot against the cigarette, stubbing it out completely as he made sure to twist. He gently placed his hands into his pockets as he stood with the wind sweeping through his glorious auburn hair. 

Tonight was the night that he was supposed to attend a rager with a bunch of his so-called friends. Except, this time he didn’t quite feel like being the first one to arrive at the party with a facade. He had to continue to keep his cool-guy persona. The only thing that protected him from the emotional hurt of the real world. 

The engine of his car hummed behind him, the lights still shining on his back as he stood tall doing the breathing exercises the family therapist had suggested. He thought they were stupid. 

He did them anyway. 

He would never have wanted to admit that the things he had been taught in therapy had helped. 

He took a singular deep breath and composed himself enough for him to want to get back into the car and make his way to the party. It was just going to be another night of losing himself in alcohol, probably some kind of drug that he didn't know the name of and...partaking in sexual activities. 

Nothing about any of these things made him feel good about himself. 

One day, something about all of these behaviours would change, Kevin was banking on it. Although, nothing was going to change if he wasn't willing to help himself. He needed to have enough power within himself to make the change. 

He had to be stronger than the demons within his mind that told him otherwise. The ones that told him that he wasn't going to have been good enough no matter how hard he tried. The ones that continued to beat him down. There was no point in trying to be a good person if there was nothing that came out of it...

Except, there was something that could have come out of it...

Happiness. 

Was that something that Kevin needed in his life that he was yet to achieve? Something that he had desired for a long time. 

He wasn't going to get to the point he needed to get to without that positive change. 

For once in his life, Kevin opened the car door and stepped inside. He made sure to click on his seatbelt before gripping onto either side of the steering wheel. 

Tonight, he was going to try. 

Instead of heading straight for the party, he placed his car into reverse and turned around in the middle of the road. He pressed his foot against the accelerator and the car spat aggressively, wheels spinning as he made his way back down the hill and to the outskirts of Beach City. 

He was going home. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I wrote this, but hey - it's content. Very very quick content!


End file.
